What’s a billion?

The next time you hear a someone use the word billion in a casual manner, think about …

A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.

a.. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
b.. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
c.. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
d.. A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
e.. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

punny funny punny

Puns

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra…

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: “A beer for me please, and one for the road.”

6. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The Green, Green Grass of Home.’ “That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.” “Is it common?” “Well, ‘It’s Not Unusual.'”

7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, “I was artificially inseminated this morning.” “I don’t believe you,” says Dolly. “It’s true, no bull!” exclaims Daisy.

8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

12. I went to a seafood disco last week . . and pulled a mussel.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”

15. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”

16. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

17. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

18. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says “I’ve lost my electron.” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first replies “Yes, I’m positive.”

19. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

20. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

21. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

22. A group of Friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the monastery to close down, but they would not. They were doing great business & tax free! He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest vicious thug in town. He trashed their store, saying he’d be back if they didn’t close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

23. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

24. There was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

25. Two cannibals are eating a clown.One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?

Slap Gently

Slap Gently
by John O’Brien, Jr.

Its late at nite and I hear your name.
as a beam from the distant porch lite
on a nite of no lite
piercing, silent
a whole orchestra of meaning in
one
little
tiny
distant
lite
tendrils of my response.
Trick from sense to sense.
Night vision goggles

find no heat, no beating heart
to guide them to their target.
Gunfire echoes
shots across the bow
only to grab my attention
awake from a living dream
slap in the face
a warning of time slipping away
like the last vestiges of your voice.

Wait! I have but yet begun to live.

Teeter-Totter
by John O’Brien, Jr.

Born in the Burren
joy, laughter, song and story
A rich heritage steeped in lore
hedge schools and seanchie.
Centuries old rediscovered, relived, passed on.
Then,
stone tables barren
resounding echoes of  barren acts of the stranger.
Burying, endless burying
children, hunger, hatred, hope
before finally
being waked in the shadow of a ship.
Up the plank
off to America,
down the plank
and into the Civil War.
Trading the aching silence of famine
for the cannon roar and cacophony of freedom
Fair trade?
The want of spuds,
or the want of bullets
mainly just the want of a chance
to live.
Hundred thousands Union, ten thousands Confederate
Different beliefs,
yet the song and the sorrow,
the laughter and the lacerations,
are the same,
no matter the race, no matter the language
and burst forth with equal finality.
Wait! I have but yet begun to live.

Currently listening :
Fighting Tigers of Ireland-a Us Civil War Collecti
By Jed Marum
Release date: By 02 March, 2004

Irish Music Magazine reviews Festival Legends; Songs & Stories

My new book, Festival Legends: Songs & Stories, is revewed by Nicky Rossitter in Irish Music Magazine this month (November 2006 Issue. Volume 13, No. 3). Out of Dublin, Ireland, Irish Music Magazine (IMM) is the bible of Irish music all around the world, giving histories, interviews and news mostly in Ireland, but also wherever the Irish gather. Cutting edge in its approach and content, it has grown to be “the” source for and about Irish music.

Here’s a quote:

“This is an excellent publication and an immediate and essential source book for anyone remotely interested in Irish folk music and by extentsion that means anyone interested in folk music per se.
John O’Brien Junior combines the requisite skills of a writer with the lifelong involvement with the men and women who are Irish Folk Music.
“The subtitle of the book tells it all, ‘the people who made the music that defined a people.'”

The full page review goes on, detailing who is in the book and some of their history. Life is good!

New Cloaks

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New Cloaks
by John O’Brien, Jr.

A secret admirer sends you flowers
Future lover I wonder, do you have ESP powers?
For you overtake my mind, despite the fog and the murk
Dreams become reality, subconsciously lurks
Waiting for the day, thirsting for some hour
The moment we first go beyond, bathe in hope’s shower
and when we dry off, then realize we’re forever soaked
for it’s in love’s empowering embrace, soulmates are cloaked.

A Secret Friend

Icy
Cold
Yet even the site of you can be refreshing
soothing, calming
or can fire up my mind and leave me exhausted for sleep
with no hope of finding it.
You tantalize, long, golden brown
or flip, black, turning back all light
You can burn me,
bubble over me as I poured over you
in making you.
And yet, yet
you are what I long for on the way home from a long journey
a half spoon of sweetness, takes off your edge.
Omnipresent, at the dinner table, with friends,
at celebrations and funerals
always my hand wrapped around you
I taste you, and I sigh
how I love thee,
Tea